HURT

it never hurt this much before
sumpah..sakit sangat sangat
never thought that it will end up feeling this bad

i want to cry
i want to let this feeling out
but it seems like i can't
it involves many heart that i need to put into consideration

faking myself is the best way
acting like it mean nothing is the perfect resolution
but until when i can endure the pain?
until when i can stand pretending like nothing is happening?

no one else can i blame
its my fault
i choose to keep it as a secret
and to hide it from others

but at the same time
to let only me myself know about this
its like the most perfect choice that i had ever made
because i believe it will help me undergo all this..will it?

thanks to 'dia'
i will now trying my best to forget 'you'
besides..'you' and i..we don't have anything to do with each other
we are just friends...just like 'dia' and i...
maybe friendship is important than this complicated stupid loser stuff

to 'you' and 'dia':
sorry that i never tell the truth
cause i don't think that truth is important in this matter
by saying truth won't change anything
i want to be honest when the right time comes
however..i don't think its coming

therefore,
im backing off
sorry for everything that i did
and sorry in advance if i do anything bad in the future

sincerely from the bottom of my heart,
thank you

-memory erase-

pening pening

I AM CONFUSED
I DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT
CAUSE IF I DID
THAT FEELING WON'T STOP
SO
LET JUST ME KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS ABOUT

psttt: seriously, i hate to feel this...let it stay if its true..but please go away if its just an imagination

i love chequered NO MORE!

why you may ask?
because i just know that chequered is one of the freemason symbol

owh..maybe some of you will start to ask

"What the heck is freemason?!"

To be honest, me myself wasn't sure on this thing cause im not finish doing research on this yet.

But based on the Wikipedia, Freemason or freemasonry is fraternal organisation that arose from obscure origins in the late 16th to early 17th century.

However, in Islamic view which i got from www.themasonictrowel.com said that The College of Islamic Jurisprudence considers Freemasonry one of the most dangerously destructive organisations to Islam and to Muslims.

I don't know since when this topic bcome a polemic but what I know is it will threaten Islam.

Try to watch 'The Arrival' in Youtube cause i think it will provide quite a number of info on this.

psttt: in search of book related to freemason in Islamic view

ntah.xtau

blur
clueless
pending
unstable emotion

i can feel all that at the same time
jgn salahkan saya kalau saya sentap
sbb sekiranya anda tanya kenapa saya sentap
jawapan yang saya mampu berikan hanyalah,

"SAYA TAK TAHU"

E.A.S.E

ease mengikut kamus oxford bermksd lack of difficulity
and one of the synonyms is comfort

but HELL..m not at ease rite now...
sumpah i feel like something was wrong somewhere...
but i don't know what the heck is it...
kurang waras khinzir SGT seronok rse nyer...

terase ingin mencarut2 d dlm bhse mlayu jge english saat ini...
tp memandangkn akn ade manusia2 yg dikategorikan sbg siblings and relative yg akn membce...
terpkse d thn perasaan itu...
sbb x baik skire nyer sye mencarut d hdpn mereka..
nk2 yg bru melangkah ke menengah ats..
cause everytime i have a new curse which i know quite rude and harsh
they will came out with a more advance curse...tq..LOL

owh..sudenly..some childhood memory came across my mind...
mse zmn knk2..even nk bhsekn diri 'aku' pn xley...
sbb mak ckp nnt jd hantu paku...
klo terckp 'babi' mmg kene la tadah tlinge dgr nasihat2 bernas dr kaum ibu

tp skrg...klo ckp sye..mmg sumpah skema...
so bile da naek skola rendah..'aku' tu da jd kebiasaan...
tp bile da bsr ckit lg mkin up..kite gne 'I' and 'YOU' plak..mmg clas ah..haha
'babi' juga merupakan satu ayat normal yg tanpa segan silu di muntahkn d hdpn smue org..
tp ade satu perkataan yg insyaallah akn cbe d elakkn drpd d sebut iaitu dlm istilah apparatus lab science nyer merupakan burette...
perkataan ini adalah sgt DILARANG...
xsanggup nk diluahkan...

aku pn tatau da ape yg aku tgh tlis n mencarut kt cni...
hati kembali x senang...
butterflies in my stomach..
go away...
my stomach is not a playground nor garden..
shuuuuuhhhhh~

psttt~ tahniah kpd warga2 PL1C yg dah ade blog sndr..CANTEK kowt blog itu..sleak n nice guys..SHABAS BETHA..SHABAS.(PL1C pun unite)

HOMESICK

hey..
in a blink the one week hols have come to the end..
so now..im back in kedah and stuck in my hostel room...ALONE
rummies were not here yet..
zuzu will reach kedah later this evening while elfira gona skip a day and be here tomorrow..

I MISS HOME!
one week is seriously not enough
i need holiday some more
just reach here early this morning but i already start to miss ayah, mak and home

i plan to go home for this CNY..
really hope that nothing goes on my way~

goodbye 2009 and hello 2010

im getting older
19??
its like unbelievable..
feels like it just last month that i enter standard 1
and its like i sat for my spm last week
and like it just yesterday that i filled up my upu form!!!
but WAKE UP lame me~
all the things had past like long time ago

nothing much happened this year
1. got my driving license (that i never use to the fullest so far)
2. spm result (it was ok..not bad 4 me..less an A than what i have target..bt nvm)
3. enter matriculation in physical science (actually i applied 4 life science bt didnt get it)
after finishing a semester in matric, i decided to leave cause matric is way too hard and its very risky..so..i end up at no 4...
4. enter uitm for faundation in law (kedah campus..i know..its far from home..so wish me luck)

thats all i guess..
nothing remarkable

resolution for 2010??
hrmm..let me think
1. score 3.5 and above
2. be a good and responsible daughter
3. dekatkan diri dengan ALLAH S.W.T ...insyaallah
4. be more succesful
5. be more independent
6. work harder
7. stop searching for love as its not really important and love can come on its own la..just wait
8.DIET and loss weight!!!! (try harder pls)

its more to general resolution..
later i figure out on what else that i want and i need..
hehe
(^^,)

paradise

so..
a day after i arrived in kuantan..
the place that i really wanted to go is PASAR MALAM JLN GAMBUT
food paradise beybeh..

so grab those food that i want
not really much..
cause most of the food that im craving for is some kind of home-cook..
my mom cook...aunties cook..its delicious..

btw this are among foods that i bought..
(they didnt seem delicious cz im not really good at translating it into pics..haha)

COCONUT JELLY

SATE

COCONUT SODA (cant get anywhere else)

YONG TAU FOO

pssttt: hey today is wednesday..its pasar malam in cenderawasih..but its seems like i cant go there..sigh..btw im sudenly craving for fried macaroni..YUMMY~

puasa

just finish blog walking...
visit my dear lil cazen sis's blog...
dear mina..
dlm bnyk2 nasihat yg achik bg..

"jgn heran ape dorg kate sbb dorg x knl awk!"

tu je yg bg impact kt awak ek???
pnt achik berhujah hari tue..
but nvm..
its good to know that you have back to normal
and become POSITIVE again..yeayyy!!!

pstt: WARAS sgt bnyk plan..new shirt..holiday..etc...haish..LOL
btw i have some plan on mind for this friday morning...
LETS GO FOR A SNAPSHOT AT THE BRIDGE AND THE BEACH!!!!

too much

there is something that keep playing around my mind right now...
im wondering
if 'A' has so much in common with 'B', are they meant to be besties,
or should they go further in their relationship?

it was quite easy to decide if they were friends
but,
how if they dont know each other,
what i actually mean is, they know about the existing of each other
but they were not friends
they not even talk to one another
maybe we should drop the 'go further in their relationship' part..
but should one of them make move to start their frienship as they might help each other a lot?
but how?

it just too many 'but' in this post
this show how confusing this thing is
if the post itself can be confusing
than how about me, the one who wrote the post??

grrr~
its like an undiscovered magical world
that might be a wonderful place enough
but too many risks and consequences to begin
and too many guts required to start


psttt: ayuh ke library